11/12/2014 2

While I have nothing to say, I guess other people do.

11/12/2014

I think it's difficult trying to make something that moves on from the first piece I made this term, because it says exactly what I wanted to say. And I think the point was that I had nothing else to say. I might recreate it without mounting it, since it's about the action of making it. I think it needs to be presented while it is being made, or giving the impression that it is still being made.

Ideas

- first piece - remake without mounting, leave needle in - make it clearer that it refers to the process of its creation, possibly display sitting on a surface so it's clear that it's a piece of fabric from afar - essentially this piece worked best if you saw it while I was making it, so mounting it and making it look flat and finished detracted from it
- dates piece - remove embroidered "title" and replace with something else that hints at the need for "productivity"
- Translation show piece - needs to be more polished and/or elaborate, make it clearer that time was invested

Shower Log Idea - Practical Problems

- I was intending for it to count as a "yes" for the day even if the shower was technically after midnight.
- This would have been the same even if it were several hours after midnight, as long as I hadn't gone to bed yet.
- This presents a problem: today I have decided not to go to bed since it's starting to look too daytime-ish.
- I guess I'll have to count things between whenever I've decided the day should start/end, so a day ends when I go to bed for the night (regardless of whether or not it's still technically night-time), and begins when I wake up. Naps do not end or start a day. A new day begins if I decide to scrap the idea of sleeping.
- However, I'll run into a problem if I get tired too early today from the skipped night of sleep, and as a result have a nap which ends up being long enough that on waking up I decide that I should treat it as a new day. This will confuse things, as it will be ambiguous - does that nap count as a night of sleep or a nap?
- I could log sleep AND showers, but then the work starts to drift away from my original intentions.
- I could just log the showers based on the actual date, but then it feels inaccurate if I shower a bit past midnight then go to bed (it will count as a skipped shower).
- I could start my log again and plot it on a timeline.
- A timeline would be less appropriate since it is not about number of showers over time, or about how spread out they are. It is more "all-or-nothing." Did you shower? Yes, you win, or no, you fail.
- Conclusion so far: if I decide to finish my day and I haven't showered for that day, I tick "no," and if I have, I tick "yes." This is the case whatever time I decide to finish the day and whether I decide to finish it by sleeping or by deciding not to sleep. I will just have to record this over a period where my "days" do not get dramatically out of sync (i.e. my sleeping pattern can be shifted badly, but I won't have six twenty-eight-hour days instead of seven twenty-four-hour days).

Notes On Next Piece

- log of whether or not I shower each day
- overemphasis of certain rituals
- rituals as having an impact that is larger than just the obvious physical consequences
- rituals which have temporary consequences being seen as significant to the point of having consequences that are not temporary (if I do not shower today, the physical consequences such as discomfort stop existing if I shower the next day, but the idea of "being a person who does not shower every day" matters to some people)

Perfectionism/Cataloguing

After my birthday, I felt a compulsion to photograph and log the presents I received (along with the food etc.), but instead I decided to fight that urge because I realised it was a response to my inability to feel happy on my birthday despite the efforts of others (I was very sleep-deprived), and the guilt associated with that. Instead I wrote the following in my sketchbook:

"perfectionism and cataloguing as a way of coping with lack of fulfillment
lack of fulfillment leading to feeling of lack of 'meaning' for events
perfectionism becomes the new 'meaning'
cataloguing is a way to feel as though the events have consequence

cataloguing and recording birthday presents: 'these people are putting effort into making you happy - why are you not happy - record everything that these people are doing for you'*

very little sense of fulfillment -> replace general fulfillment with something else which becomes your new goal -> actions are limited to those which work towards your goal"

On researching Sophie Calle for my dissertation, I found something relevant:

"Calle has created elaborate display cases of birthday presents given to her throughout her life."

"Calle further decided she would not use the gifts her family and friends brought for her, but would display them in a glass-fronted vitrine for a year, as a tangible token of their affection. After each birthday, the previous year's gifts would be stored away and the new ones displayed. In The Birthday Ceremony Calle exhibits all the gifts accumulated between 1980 and 1993, her 40th birthday, when she terminated the ritual."

Luckily, the more I read, the more relevant to my dissertation this seems; I suspect that since my mind is easily blown by tiny coincidences, I would have probably tried to force this shit into my dissertation either way.

*Usually I try to stick to a more detached narration of my thought processes, but in this case I felt it would be most efficient to just spell out exactly what my brain seemed to be whining.

Re-thinking The Piece With The Dates

I'm thinking that since it's about a continuous action/process, maybe it makes sense to leave it slightly unfinished (i.e. not mounted), because otherwise it's just slightly confusing text. I'm also not sure why I didn't think of leaving the needle in it; it makes a whole lot more sense to leave the needle in this piece than in the Translation Show piece.

I'm also wondering if, since it was mounted and finished, the first piece ("I'm just trying to drown my indifference...") actually made it clear that it was referring to the process of its creation. Reading it while it was still in my hands being made was probably the most appropriate time to see it, in terms of most clearly making its point.

My next piece will be less about the process of its creation, so I need to evaluate which medium will be most appropriate. If I decide on cross-stitch, I won't display it with the others at any point. This is because the others refer to the cross-stitching process and this one will not, so it would be confusing.

Translation Show / Progression

I thought it would be a good idea to try and examine how my ideas have progressed this term, and evaluate whether or not my work is communicating more effectively.

This cross-stitched piece was playing with the idea of humans being conditioned to feel the need to "do something." Just "something," purely because the alternative (doing nothing) is something we're conditioned to feel guilty about. It's intended to speak about not speaking, and say that there is nothing to say. It's not "art" that has a "point" or "purpose"; it's an object created for the sake of creation. It deliberately ignores the idea of fulfilment, instead focusing on the idea that life has no intrinsic meaning, and so our actions are "meaningless." I don't think it's bad that it intentionally ignores many logical perspectives; essentially it's a tongue-in-cheek description of one point of view. It's deliberately a little bit illogical. It doesn't intend to convince other people of its point of view; it intends to present that point of view in a way that highlights that it's mildly amusing. It examines my thoughts and actions and describes them, not intending to convince or justify.

This deals with the same sort of ideas - productivity for the sake of productivity, and doing things for the sake of doing things. It speaks about the perceived importance of doing something every day. You "have to" get up and you "have to" shower and you "have to" eat, but it's not limited to basic needs. There is apparently more than that, and even if we don't know what that means for ourselves, we supposedly have to at least make a vague stab at it.

(Translation Show piece, sitting with other people's.)

The piece I made for the Translation Show is where I feel like the communication sort of falls directly on its face. It refers to the idea of investing time into something for the sake of artificially creating some idea of "value." It's cross-stitched because that medium is incredibly slow, and not widely considered to be that aesthetically pleasing compared to other methods of creating images. This makes it seem inefficient, and it seems like its only appeal is how much time is invested into it. The medium has "value" BECAUSE it is slow. Its value is its own inefficiency.

"In general, the greater the productiveness of labour, the less is the labour time required for the production of an article, the less is the amount of labour crystallised in that article, and the less is its value; and vice versa, the less the productiveness of labour, the greater is the labour time required for the production of an article, and the greater its value." (This is from Das Capital.) Certain materials have value because extracting them is inefficient. Certain objects have value because the process of creating them is slow. In the case of an image created using a slow method (an image that could have been created more quickly in another medium, and that would have served the same purpose in this other medium), the image's creation is a process that INTENDS to use up a large amount of time.

This piece was a "translation" because the intention was to wholeheartedly explore the medium, creating images in the traditional way. The flowers were supposed to convey an attempt to be beautiful, and I framed it since it was about futility with conviction, not apathy. This point ended up being muddled by the fact that I left the needle in. I was unsure whether I wanted to leave it slightly unfinished to emphasise the tedium, or finish it to reinforce the point of futility with conviction. This is another reason I framed it instead of mounting it; I wanted the decision (to leave the needle in) to be reversible in case I changed my mind, and I think I have.

There is a lot I don't like about this piece. It starts to refer too specifically to the habits of middle class women decades or centuries ago - women "filling time" as they did not need to work. This is not what I am interested in, and it's not what I'm researching. However, I think this is a side-effect of the instruction to "translate" the work, so maybe it's okay that I pushed things out of my comfort zone all the way to the point where the work catastrophically fails.

Another way this work fails is that it aims to communicate the idea of pouring lots of time into something, but it looks like something that didn't take very long. It did. Even I don't believe how long this piece of shit took me. The medium is actually TOO effective at being tedious and time-consuming, so my point gets lost.

It also feels less sincere than my previous work. I think this is because it drifts away from observing and describing my own habits, and speaks about a hobby that other people (who are not me) have. It feels slightly mocking, and that was not the intention.

Current Structure Of Dissertation

intro - consider changing

pattern that rituals follow

example of habits following the same pattern

another example

another example

explanation

argument against

another argument against

another argument against

conclusion

Notes On Whether Or Not My Practice Is Still Relevant To My Dissertation

Yes:
- activity is presented as being a ritual to ward off negative feelings associated with futility, and therefore fits the pattern argued in my dissertation

No:
- activities referred to in practice are daily "productive" tasks (e.g. art, crafts), and not either "bad habits" or religious/spiritual rituals
- the idea that my practice communicates is intentionally biased (i.e. it ignores the idea of "fulfillment"); it is supposed to be from a specific point of view

Conclusion:
- the two things were more connected when I was making work that related to hoarding etc.
- maybe I could expand my dissertation to include the role of everyday activities/fulfillment/meaning, but that would make it too broad as I would then literally be examining the meaning of life, and would have to discuss everything from fulfillment and stewardship/legacy to religious views on the afterlife

Notes On Inefficiency

"In general, the greater the productiveness of labour, the less is the labour time required for the production of an article, the less is the amount of labour crystallised in that article, and the less is its value; and vice versa, the less the productiveness of labour, the greater is the labour time required for the production of an article, and the greater its value." - Karl Marx, Das Capital

If we think about how this applies to non-essential objects (say, embroidered art work), we could argue that since a medium requiring less labour (for example, through the use of technology) could arguably serve the same purpose, the maker of the work is intentionally being less efficient for the purposes of adding to the item's perceived value.

Maybe an argument against that is the idea that certain techniques cannot yet be successfully replicated by technology, but then again maybe that argument is only used to attempt to back up with logic the idea that hand-made objects are intrinsically superior.

Essentially, I feel like we pour time into things for the sake of pouring time into things.

The Turner Prize, Late Turner And Efficiency

I've realised that my days of spending at least five hours in every "major" exhibition (this was a habit of mine during my foundation course) are long, long gone. I don't trust curators with my time anymore. I went to see the Turner Prize and basically walked past everything time-based; I didn't feel as though I had a reason to give them a chance - it would be gambling, but with time instead of money. This means that although I'm supposed to be an "art student," my opinion fell neatly into one of the three categories that the guest's comments on the notice board outside the exhibition seemed to be split into.

1. My five year old could do that.
2. Ugh, it was all film.
3. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, why are all these comments knocking time-based media when it's a perfectly valid art form?!?! Film is my liiiiiiife. :'(

I guess what I can take away from this is the idea that I really haven't looked into why people use film: what's it supposed to do? IS it supposed to do anything? Then again, I'm really valuing this newfound EFFICIENCY; I've stopped forcing myself to observe and analyse everything until it's torture.

I then visited the Late Turner exhibition which was pretty packed, presumably with all the people who left the (almost empty) Turner Prize saying, 'What rubbish - they shouldn't call it the "TURNER Prize..."' I made another observation regarding efficiency. It's more an opinion than an observation.

Whalers at Sea at Sunset

Paying attention to colour and composition is a whole lot more important than sinking hours and hours into a piece of work. EFFICIENCY.

(The work I'm making now is about pouring time into something to illustrate inefficiency.)

Translation Exhibition Proposal

My work deals with the idea of futility and useless labour – the idea of working “harder, not smarter” (as opposed to the other way around) as a way to overcompensate for feelings of uselessness. I will make something in a medium that requires both time and extra learning.

Aesthetics

In my last tutorial, I was asked why I would bother considering aesthetics (e.g. cutting and rearranging the fabric so that the title was the right way up) if the piece were supposed to be purely about filling time. I have decided that I'm still going to rearrange the piece when it's done and make it look "finished." This is because I'm not trying to communicate the idea that futility justifies apathy;* the idea is more that the inconsequential nature of human lives makes it equally valid to consider any activity to be a "good" use of time,** and this can be reflected in the way it's displayed - neatly and on a wall, as if it's an achievement.

*I would probably have chosen a different medium (crayon?) if this had been the case.

**This is not exactly what I mean to say. I think I might be repeatedly flip-flopping between "everything is useless" and "no of course that can't have been what I meant."

EDIT: What I meant to say is that I'm not trying to communicate futility; I'm trying to communicate the illusion of utility. This makes it more appropriate to properly "finish" the work.

Things I Am Not Doing

I think I'm reaching a point in my work where I'm starting to clarify that existentialist angst is not what I'm making work about. I feel like counting down to death has been done before, and can only be done so many times before it's just repeating the same point. This is because it almost seems to be the default way of seeing "life" once someone slips into a place where the concept of enjoyment is foreign and unknown.

From the point of an atheist,* life has no intrinsic meaning. From the point of an atheist capable of enjoyment, life does not need to have any intrinsic meaning; they enjoy it, it feels worthwhile to them and there is no need for it to have any kind of objective, measurable value or "mean" something other than what it is. An atheist who has stopped enjoying things will be more likely to fixate on life's "point" or "meaning." Life as it is just seems like a series of events that cause other events until the end; it is all inconsequential in the end. This is where that statement comes from - the one that confuses happy people everywhere - "life has no meaning." If someone has not experienced any kind of enjoyment for a long time and has forgotten about it as a possibility, or remembers the concept but feels it is impossible, life does not only have no intrinsic value; it has no "point" whatsoever. If the "journey" has nothing at the end, and we can't or don't enjoy the journey, what's the journey for?

This thinking seems to basically be the default for someone experiencing lack of fulfilment, at least for the first time. This can include anyone from people with depression who have stopped feeling pleasure to people who have just started their first nine-to-five job and are not enjoying it ("I studied all these years just to go to work and come home over and over again every day until I die").

Since I see this as a default way of thinking for people in a certain situation, it is not something I want to repeat when it has been done so many times before. I've already realised that the piece I'm working on is ridiculously similar to several On Kawara pieces (the work I was familiar with was something else - the "I Got Up" series mentioned below).

On Kawara - I Got Up - 1970

Martin Creed - Work No. 223 - 1999

(After repeatedly venturing back and forth from the state of mind where "life feels meaningless" to the state of mind where "life needs no intrinsic meaning if you're gaining fulfilment," going back to the former point of view is no longer frightening; life FEELS meaningless. It's all just perspective and it's enough to notice that other people are still enjoying it to no longer feel terrified.)

I think the next few things I make will clarify that I'm not making art about counting down to death or about life being futile, and I think maybe people will stop calling me a nihilist. (I might be talking about FINE ART DEGREES feeling futile, and I might also be being hyperbolic.)

*I am only mentioning atheist points of view as non-atheist points of view go into "life after death" as life's "meaning," and this is irrelevant to my point.

Disobedient Objects (Victoria And Albert Museum)

 

(Bread and Puppet)

(Guerilla Girls)

Questions:

Can we really influence a field that often appears to be based on connections and Emperor's New Clothes-style illusions?

Should we bother?

Why should we bother?

Would I personally prefer to do something entirely different and ignore that weird little bubble called the "art world"?

Do I really want to be a part of a field where someone can create paintings of vague blobs and colours, all with the same explanation ("Oh, they're about dreams and music") and potentially be taken seriously?

Am I ignoring the idea that art is often intended to be visual communication that transcends words (thus making explanation irrelevant and potentially cheating)?

Can I convince myself that anything "communicated" by vague blobs of colour is more than ideas projected onto the work by the viewer that have nothing to do with the artist's intentions except for maybe sometimes coincidentally?

Do I believe that the few interpretations of vague blobs that tend to be universal (e.g. warmth) are actually worth anything (e.g. warm colours = warmth, fucking wow)?

The Pixar Manifesto (Probably Not In Their Words)

Inanimate objects have feelings, so hoard every toy you ever owned as a child, otherwise you will hurt them.

Screw the need for space and a tidy home; you don't want to make your inanimate objects feel unloved.

All your umbrella ever wanted was to find love, and all you do is make it wet and miserable.

You will only ever be a burden to everything around you, even the inanimate objects.

Even in death you will be a burden to everything around you.

Although, after death you will be an inanimate object. It will probably feel more than you do now.

For The Sake Of Saying You "Did Something" Every Day:

(In case showering doesn't count.) (Not to suggest that I HAVE showered, because I haven't.)

First Piece Of Third Year!

I decided that I could arbitrarily choose some "interests" then read some books relating to these "interests" then choose a medium and figure out some kind of explanation for my chosen medium, OR I could just fill the time and call it exactly what it is.

So, this here is a cross stitch piece. I do not care what the Arts and Crafts Movement was. I do not know if that was a relevant comment. I shall not Google it to check.

Painting Paintings

Painting seems to be a medium used to communicate something with conviction, even if it is not a specific idea or point. I am currently painting to communicate nothing, but with conviction and assurance.

7/5/2014 Notes

- Is art really a democracy?
- Should connections have so much of an impact?
- Banksy is often accepted as a person who should be "allowed" to graffiti buildings. This does not have to do with connections to gallery owners, but was this a democratic decision? Is it "acceptable"?

Arrrgh

These are looking... pretty bad.

End Of Year Piece (First Half)

I'm making this text piece and a pair of dice (which will list things to be anxious about) as a reflection of what it can be like living with anxiety. I'm thinking I'll attach the dice to the canvas, because people may miss the point if they actually roll the dice themselves; it may seem like the expected result is for "planting a seed of doubt" to actually work on them.

End Of Year Show Ideas: Intentional Non-Specificity

"Triptych, Mixed Media, Dimensions Variable," or something, since I've been thinking about "Emperor's New Clothes" themes in the "art world." I think my piece will be something that continues in the vein of playing with projection of meaning ("meaning" as being something invented by the viewer) and illusions of depth.

Dissertation Proposal

My dissertation will discuss the role of rituals and how this links to art, for example when rituals are used in art. It will discuss their general roles, intentions and purposes. As an example, praying is often used to remove fear; people often pray for the prevention of events that they have no control over, as well as some that they do have control over through means that are not praying. I will be looking at the similarities between religious/cultural rituals and habits/compulsions. More specifically, this is the idea that they are actions performed to combat a problem that they cannot realistically prevent, or to remove a negative feeling without actually having an impact on the source of that negative feeling. The fact that the ritual or habit does not solve the problem that it aims to but temporarily removes the negative feeling associated with the problem is what causes the ritual or habit to be performed repetitively. I will be considering the illogical aspects of this: the illogical idea that while repeating the same action over and over in the past has not made a difference, it may do in the future and thus should not be discontinued. I will also be looking at varied examples of this. The main examples will be religious rituals, and compulsions such as obsessive checking and hoarding. Praying removes some fear of uncertainty, but not the actual uncertainty. This is similar to obsessively checking that the doors and windows in a house are locked; the action temporarily provides relief but does not remove the uncertainty regarding possible break-ins. There are some other examples I may outline; buying out of desire and not need can be seen as an action caused by primitive desires that it cannot permanently satisfy, and so this becomes a habit. Sometimes drugs are taken out of unhappiness but the happiness they provide is temporary, so this also becomes a habit; the same applies to emotional eating. The negative emotion and desire to remove it can cause illogical behaviour and an inability to notice that the behaviour is repetitive and not a solution, or an unwillingness to do something about this. Another example is cutting off the top of a weed without removing the root; the same applies to warts. Rituals/habits, however, can be logical, for example it is mostly considered to be fine that washing a plate is only a temporary fix; the cause of the plate becoming dirty is that a person is eating off it, which is commonly considered to be an acceptable thing to do. I will be discussing the idea that some rituals are logical and that some are not, as well as the idea that while some rituals interfere negatively with one’s life, some do not, regardless of how logical or illogical they are.

I will be discussing rituals and compulsions used in art, and similarities between their motives and effects. Hoarding is a common example which I can analyse. I will be applying theories proposed by cognitive behavioural therapy, as well as some of Sigmund Freud’s quirkier ideas. I will also read about artists’ own views on why they carry out certain rituals.

A relevant example is Mike Ballard’s “Who’s (sic) Coat is that Jacket You’re Wearing?” in which he exhibited over two hundred coats he compulsively stole as a reaction to his own coat being stolen. Over two hundred repetitive actions were carried out for the removal of a negative feeling, but without the ability to solve the problem that caused the negative feeling. Song Dong’s “Waste Not,” is an example of hoarding, in which the artist displayed all the items hoarded by his mother, who had also previously experienced a time of poverty where it was beneficial for one to keep all they could. However, the hoarding was triggered by the death of her husband, and Dong’s feeling is that is mother was addressing a “need to fill the emptiness.” My bibliography will include books about cognitive behavioural therapy, which will help with the understanding of thinking habits and their effects. I am also reading Sigmund Freud’s “Civilization and its Discontents” as it discusses humanity’s impulses and desires and how these are dealt with. Adam Curtis’ documentary “The Century of the Self” is also useful for this.

My working title is either “How are Rituals Used in Art?” or “How Do Rituals Relate to Art?” but this will likely change as I get a better grasp on exactly what I am investigating or analysing. I will be using a standard essay structure.

Common, Flawed Thinking Habits

"I am sad (or other negative emotion), which is something every human has experienced at some point, but I'll just gloss over that; in this case it is probably weird and alien and unrelatable somehow."

(Less common and possibly less flawed thought - meat eaters seem happier.)

The Way I Capitalise My Titles Makes This Blog Look Like Will Smith's Son's Twitter, So Thank Fuck It's Only For School

Do you get marked down for being cynical, or do you just get dirty looks?

Dissertation Proposal Notes

Possible titles-
How are rituals used in art?
How do rituals relate to art?

- discuss general role of rituals
- discuss similarities between rituals (e.g. religious) and habits/compulsions
- discuss art which seems to be based on rituals (e.g. collecting, routines)

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/artist-exhibits-200-stolen-coats-so-owners-can-reclaim-them-6516897.html
Sigmund Freud's "Civilization and its Discontents,"
Mike Kelley's "Foul Perfection,"
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy books
Adam Curtis' "The Century of the Self"

Random Imagery, Intentional Thoughtlessness

Peter Phillips, Random Illusion No. 4 - use of randomly chosen imagery

Harold Cohen's AARON - use of artificial intelligence to create art

Manfred Mohr, Random Walk - use of algorithms to create images

Jackson Mac Low, Drawing-Asymmetry #5 - influence of aleatoric music (music with elements left up to chance)

To find: art that is intentionally thoughtless / randomly created with "Emperor's New Clothes" themes/intentions.

Trash And Sentimentality

I was going to make a set of drawings of hoarded / not discarded useless objects, and they were going to be framed and "serious" and sentimental and nostalgic. This would have aimed to comment on the contrast between the practical use and monetary value of the objects (very little) and the amount of value that hoarding these objects and allowing them to use up limited space seems to place on them.

However, someone in the same room as me was watching short films by Pixar (complete with director's commentary) and my brain has been permanently distorted. In a world where dogs speak and you can fish for stars, surely the reason people hoard is not just that objects tell stories of the past and/or potentially still have a use; it's that all objects have PERSONALITIES AND SOULS (and therefore faces) (and so I have approached this task instead by personifying the useless objects).

Things Done Today

- I was told to look up The Dirty Art Department and I have done so but I'm not sure why.
- I have briefly reminded myself of the need to produce publications for both the off-site exhibitions I took part in.
- I have looked through a To Do list and noticed a whole bunch of old ideas and am unsure whether or not to still bother with them.

"I Have Nothing To Say And I Am Saying It" - John Cage

It is possible that:
- art is not politics; it does not have to have a strong stance
- art does not have to say something specific or do something specific
- art can be about nothingness

Richard Tuttle - less is more, Minimalism

John Baldessari - self-awareness, acknowledgement of the fact that art can be a bit futile and pretentious

Sean Landers - turning futility/problems into artwork/an end product

---

repetition of nothingness - I am going to put these everywhere and it will not be a comment on propaganda or property / whose right it is to alter the appearance of our surroundings, and it will not make a point

"Blurry Photo Of A Human Eating Spaghetti Instead Of Doing An Art Thing They Were Just Writing About Potentially Doing"

RIP, Volumes I and II - Other Notes On Our Recent Exhibitions

We made a last minute decision to include images in the shrine, namely stock photos of women laughing alone with salads. I was interested in the idea that "artists" can probably sometimes get away with slapping together completely random imagery as long as it fuels the audience's interpretation and analysis enough that they do not bother asking any further questions (or if questions are asked I'll bet you could fool some people with, "The idea behind my decisions is beyond words; I communicate through my art"). While you could not get away with that in most art schools, you could probably trick some other people into thinking you are not pretentious or phony, and those people would call the art school people pretentious for claiming not to see any substance behind your art work.

Another easy thing to do is pick a few motifs or materials that look like they are in some way significant and just use them over and over. "His constant use of empty bottles speaks of time gone past, moments experienced, and memories of that which is gone." "Her use of tampons illustrates our society's need to stifle women and hide what is natural, and blah blah feminism because she cares about the issues wow wow wow."

I think I'll write about these exhibitions later because right now I'm just thinking about how paying for the gallery space and printing and materials and travel and blah blah blah cost what I'd make in 10.0117188 hours at my stupid fucking retail job, which may not seem like a lot to people who have to make giant ugly paintings, but no one asks them to, but then again no one asked me to do an art degree either so in conclusion FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Dissertation About Rituals - Brainstorming (It Is Easier To Make Notes Here Than In A Tiny Sketchbook)

- rituals: repetitive actions aiming to prevent problems, but with no practical/logical reason to think that these actions will actually prevent the problems
- the real function of these repetitive actions is to remove negative feeling (e.g. fear)
- this effect is temporary since the actions do not really have an effect on the problems
- religious rituals (e.g. praying) are an example of this
- maybe I should use "voodoo" as an example rather than "praying," so that I am not specifically talking from an atheist's point of view
- buying can be a ritual
- buying out of want and not need can be seen as feeding irrational and primitive impulses
- buying only temporarily quiets these irrational and primitive impulses, and does not actually fix any problems or make any permanent changes, so it can be seen as a repetitive ritual
- rituals are illogical actions fueled by emotions
- anxiety can lead to performing rituals like obsessive checking for the prevention of mistakes
- emotional eating can be seen as a ritual - it distracts from the problem and comforts people, but does not fix anything permanently, so can become a habit/ritual
- drugs can be like a ritual - the aim is happiness, but it is only provided temporarily
- rituals can be logical/useful - meditation can be seen as a ritual, but it is performed with the understanding that the aim is to remove stress and not to directly impact external problems - a calmer state of mind can make it easier to avoid or deal with problems, but there is no false belief that the act of meditation itself will remove external causes of stress

RIP, Volume I

An art exhibition featuring collaborations between Chelsea BA Fine Art students

Yejin Eom
María Luisa Sanín Peña
Colette Shaw
Bruna Pereira De Souza
Zhiruo Gao

Private view with free drinks: Saturday March 15th, 5 - 9 pm
Exhibition open Friday 14th - Sunday 16th, 10 am - 6 pm

The artists involved will respond to an open narrative on the murder of a fictional character. The vagueness of the event seeks to inspire loose threads, which the artists may then interpret and shape to their will.

The pieces, some made individually and some collaboratively, will span across a range of media including performance, installation, and sculpture. The focus will be varied; some may look at motive, others at narrative. The construction of the character may take ambiguous, and even contradictory turns as the artists struggle to negotiate the identity of this person, and the speculative nature of their story.

Gallery website with directions: http://www.brentfordgallery.co.uk/

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Guests will arrive and find themselves in the middle of a funeral service and they won't necessarily be sure why. We (the "artists") are not necessarily sure why. Often the interpretation of the viewer is so integral to the success of the art work that one could question whether the artist themselves even needs to have their own intentions.

Forceful Indifference

Lots of money and work is putting into communicating certain messages. Some are useful, for example the NHS's instructions for when someone is having a stroke. Some are less essential, for example half of what TFL puts around tube stations and in tubes. What these messages have in common is that someone behind them thinks that they are very, very important and that we must pay attention to this advice, understand it and follow it. I plan to create a contrast to this and distribute my diagram of the ideal squatting position for urinating on the ground, placing it where people can see it. The idea is that they MUST see it, but they DON'T HAVE TO pay attention, because it's NOT VERY IMPORTANT. The message is indifference, and I'm also fairly indifferent about whether or not I need to communicate this indifference.

"RIP" Exhibition That I Am Taking Part In - Notes

- The group's idea is that we stage a murder.
- I like the idea of surrendering control and putting effort, creativity and thought into an idea that I don't completely understand. I witnessed the inception of this idea; it went something like this:

"Ugh, I hate that guy so much. I want to kill him."

"We should. We could do it as our exhibition. It would be performance art."

"Yes, let's do that."

"We should actually do that. We should have an exhibition where we stage a murder. We could even get him in on it."

"We should! Or it doesn't even have to be him. We'll just have an exhibition that's a staged murder."

I feel that to work in a group as one brain would involve maximising communication and understanding. There would be conflicting ideas, but they would form a dialogue that would lead to a compromise. This is already what people's brains do without the involvement of the brains of others. I don't feel that that would be the more interesting aim for this exhibition. To work with other people and not ask them to attempt to fully explain their thought processes would be to relinquish more control and introduce an element that would have a similar effect to chance. This links to ideas I was having about decisions being made by either other people or chance. I still have some ideas in progress that relate to giving up control, collaboration with "non-artists" (having "artistic" decisions made by them - "fine art" is getting so broad that I feel you can question the line between "interesting artist" and "generally intelligent/insightful/interesting person"), and taking orders.

- We are calling it "RIP" because we like the ambiguity (it could stand for "rest in peace," or it could just be the verb "rip" in capitals).

- We are first having an installation in a space in Brentford. Part of this space is shown below.

- We are then going to have an exhibition in a project space at Chelsea ("RIP, Volume II"), showing documentation of this work. This feels interesting as it leads to the question of whether the documentation is art work in itself, and also whether the original exhibition was actually performance art that has been recorded, as opposed to the pieces in the original exhibition being the work.

- We could document the exhibition of documentation, and exhibit this documentation, which would lead to the question of whether the documentation of documentation was the work, or whether the work was the act of documenting the documentation. The work could also instead be the act of questioning this.

Stuff To Do With "The Emperor's New Clothes" Again: Projecting Meaning

You can project meaning onto anything, attaching your own interpretations to the most arbitrarily chosen of objects.* This is especially true as work gets visually simpler or more abstract or both, and the amount of background information provided decreases. Sometimes the idea that a work is in any way interesting or meaningful seems to be a leap of faith based on one's opinion of the maker of the work (e.g. the time I spent an afternoon drawing on my shoes and making finger paintings of cats and someone decided that I must be a genius). If little is known about the maker of the work, it could be mainly up to chance whether or not an "expert" projects some idea of intelligence/thought/intention onto it and then convinces others of his interpretation.

How about if I learn to take proper photos?

*I think I will create a series of objects or images where all the decisions are made by chance (which links back to other research from the beginning of the year). I might create two series: one series of objects whose aesthetic qualities are decided by chance, and which do not aim to be anything other than their physical qualities (actually, phrasing it like that makes it sound exactly like Frank Stella's idea of "art as object," which is a relief; if it's that derivative, it means I don't have to actually bother doing it), and another that includes randomly chosen imagery that creates the potential for very specific interpretations that happen entirely by accident and are entirely created in the viewer's mind and are unconnected to the thoughts present during the creation of the work (one could sever someone's penis and stick it on a plinth because one is a bitch, and it would be viewed as a feminist act).

Martin Creed: "Work No. 78 (as many 2.5 cm squares as are necessary cut from 2.5 cm Elastoplast tape and piled up, adhesive sides down, to form a 2.5 cm cubic stack)," 1993 - A work which only acknowledges its physical qualities.

Robert Rauschenberg: "This is a Portrait of Iris Clert if I Say So," 1961 - A work which acknowledges the impact of interpretation - in this case, the artist's.

Michael Craig-Martin: "An Oak Tree," 1974 - As above.

Titles Which Sound Like Terrible Text Pieces That I May Make Anyway

I Went To A Grammar School And Now I Can Only Obey

We Are All Going To Die And I'm Getting A Fucking Art Degree

Martin Creed: What's The Point Of It?, Hayward Gallery

I saw this over two weeks ago, but I've decided to re-visit the notes I made in my book.

General impressions:

- Some of the humour is intriguing and subtle because it is wordless (e.g. his strange self-portrait, the alteration of the standard gallery space through metronome noises and the oddly placed sofa), but other times words actually help to express humour in subtle manner (e.g. the large spinning sign reading "MOTHERS" - it creates the impression of mothers being large, imposing and slightly strange without illustrating that point in an obvious and literal way).

- The atmosphere is made humorous and bizarre; a familiar gallery space is transformed by a repetitive, unsettling metronome noises as mentioned above (this was particularly unsettling for me as while these were deliberately set at different speeds to be more annoying, in the past one metronome has proved to be enough to annoy me to the point where I had to throw it against my bedroom wall), a large spinning sign that prevented people from being able to use the ramp (and despite it being high enough that people several heads taller than me were able to walk under it, it still made me want to duck), neon lights, and pieces that altered the wall's surface.

- Sometimes words are not directly included in the piece, but the title is important (e.g. "A Large Piece of Furniture Partially Obstructing a Door"). Titles can be a good way of incorporating text that feels relevant or useful without falling into the trap of using text within the piece when it feels necessary but in practice looks out of place or distracting.

- Some work (e.g. "A Sheet of Paper Crumpled Into a Ball") seems to be a parody of the art world, and fits with the "Emperor's New Clothes" idea I was writing about earlier. I had an art teacher in school who said that he worked in the Tate Britain a few years ago, and enjoyed preying on visitors viewing "The Lights Going On and Off." He said that a lot of people didn't know what they were looking at, so he'd crumple up a piece of paper and throw it in the middle of the room, and after a while people would gather to look at it, which was his cue to walk in, apologise for littering (or something) and take the paper away. He'd laugh at them for being pretentious and not being able to tell litter from "art," but isn't this what we do when studying art? We take a leap of faith and we examine and try to analyse work, whether we think it looks like thoughtless, accidental trash or not. Plus not all of Martin Creed's work is on a plinth - are they really idiots for thinking that "A Sheet of Paper Crumpled Into a Ball" and "The Lights Going On and Off" were being combined? Were they supposed to be able to say, "Hey, that's most definitely a different sheet of paper crumpled into a ball! This is a strange, unfamiliar sheet of paper crumpled into a ball!"? Isn't it more pretentious to expect that? But then again, maybe we should be questioning the leap of faith we take.

- Some pieces use bodily functions in a way that can be slightly difficult to watch. This made me wonder if crudeness was deliberately being used for humour and to rebel against the serious nature of some art, or if the work was questioning our disgust for natural bodily functions. Maybe it was not the latter, but I was reminded of Patricia Piccinini, whose abstract forms which use realistic hair and skin textures can really make you notice the disgust that can be triggered by the natural human body.

- Work such as "As Many 2.5cm Squares as are Necessary Cut From 2.5cm Elastoplast Tape and Piled Up, Adhesive Sides Down, to Form a 2.5cm Cubic Stack" seems to acknowledge futility and does not aim to represent much other than what it literally, physically is. This was interesting to me, as I have made and am currently making some work which is about futility, and I am questioning the goal of creating or conveying deeper meaning through art (putting it that way makes me think of Frank Stella, whose work I very much dislike, but probably simply because I find rooms filled with his work to feel draining and dull).

- I thought that the sign on one of the works which read, "Please keep your distance from this artwork at all times," would make a good piece.

- I found it refreshing that a lot of emphasis seemed to be on happiness, humour and breaking down the serious and cold gallery atmosphere.

Neuroses, Anxiety, Rituals, Collecting

Some of my work deals with rituals such as collecting, or bad habits, lack of motivation, and other things that can be linked to neuroses. I had an essay tutorial today, where the idea of collecting was brought up as a possible dissertation topic. I think the idea of rituals in general would be a great thing for me to write about, especially as things said about my essays were that they were detached and lacked passion (which I can agree with), and research into rituals is something I already really enjoy. I am interested in the way that rituals linked to religion, superstition or the supernatural mirror rituals that seem really practical at first. An example of this is when I repeatedly check my calendar, email and 'To Do' list in loops. Once is necessary; twice is cautious. Then it loops until I'm essentially just repeating the words, "calendar, email, 'To Do' list, calendar, email, 'To Do' list" in my head, like a mantra. At that point it resembles superstition. It's no longer a practical thing to do; it's a prayer to ward off mistakes and a ritual to remove fear.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy provides practical ways of looking at this sort of thing, but I think Freud could be interesting too. From what I remember, his widely discredited theory is that we are affected by the Oedipus Complex (in the case of males, anyway - I have not yet read about the Elektra Complex that is supposed to be the version that affects females, and thus do not know if it's an exact reversal of the Oedipus Complex or slightly different... I think "penis envy" is a part of it), and our guilt from the desire to kill our fathers turns into neurosis, and religion provides a way to repent, religious rituals becoming a way to relieve guilt. I find Freud interesting as a lot of what he says is so ridiculous, but other parts seem to somehow fit. I definitely see religion and prayer as a therapeutic ritual. I am an atheist, but when I considered myself agnostic I still prayed every night. I think I also prayed every time I left the house, unless I was really relaxed (which is something I see as a sign that it was an anxiety-relieving ritual). I did not especially feel like there was a deity listening, but it relieved the anxiety caused by uncertainty. Prayer seems to sort the problems that are within our control from the problems that are without our control, in my case anyway. If I would pray to do well in an exam, as I was doing so I would remember that it was actually up to me to put the work in. If I would pray for my whole family and all my friends to be kept safe from every bad thing ever, I would remember that it was beyond my control (or "up to God," as one may say), and therefore there was no point worrying. This mirrors an idea taught in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: if you are stressed about something, either you can do something about it or you cannot. If you can do something about it, do it now. If you can't do it now, plan it. If you can't do anything about it, focus your attention on something else.

So, things to read:
Sigmund Freud's "Civilization and its Discontents,"
Mike Kelley's "Foul Perfection,"
and lastly (for now), my numerous Cognitive Behavioural Therapy books.

"Propaganda" (Or Not), Repetition

Linking to what I was writing about a lot of advice being forced upon us and repeated (we can choose which to pay more attention to and which to actually implement, but we have a lot less control over how frequently we have to hear or see certain things), I was thinking about making the "correct squatting position for urinating on the ground" into an easily repeatable symbol and doing something with that. I like the idea that instead of responding seriously to the idea of repetitive advice being thrown at us constantly, becoming unnecessarily distressed about the implications and exaggerating the negative aspects, it is possible to realise that most of the advice is either basically sound or harmless (I say this because the idea came from things such as the government's recommendations for what to eat, TFL's idea of correct tube behaviour, and other things which are at worst just repetitive, patronising and/or slightly incorrect, rather than horribly damaging), and it is more fun to respond with a parody. It can be important to be able to react to things with playfulness.

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Relevant things:

PROPAGANDA, REPETITION: John Carpenter's "They Live" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inZUDMGJsKo

CHEERINESS: Martin Creed - http://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whatson/martin-creed-79080