Dayanita Singh: Go Away Closer, The Hayward Gallery (And Ramblings About My Work)

I had been thinking of making work that referenced work that I made on my foundation year, aiming for a tongue-in-cheek expression of the facts that 1) I have not felt particularly inspired since then, and 2) I would question the idea that I have actually developed as an "artist" since then.

This exhibition reminded me of a lot of the things I was really inspired by back then. Some of the images contained dramatic contrast and beauty in what is artificial, dirty and/or run-down. I am really interested in and opposed to the idea that numinous or powerful beauty can only be seen in nature, and that the man-made taints this beauty and is generally ugly, weak or arrogant. However, man-made structures know they are doomed to eventually fail. They are fighting a battle with nature that they will eventually lose; they are on a noble mission and they will fight until their deaths. I feel that the city can have Sublime qualities, and that perspective can make the ugly beautiful. In the past I made a lot of paintings exploring this, and I felt most connected to a group of paintings in which I aimed to transform roadkill into something dramatic, striking and beautiful. The process was surprisingly natural as roadkill is as abstract in form as most real objects get.

Ana Mendieta: Traces, The Hayward Gallery

Thoughts:

1. Are we less open to picking up on humour in work when we know that the artist died a tragic death? Or when the artist's work also touches on very serious themes?

2. I got to a part where three sculptures made of earth and binder were placed together on a clean, white floor, in front of a clean, white wall. It was like the image below (which is from a different gallery), except that the lighting was bright and even. The contrast between the earthy shapes and the smooth and pristine gallery walls caused the scene to resemble carefully thought out decorations in a newly refurbished house, and I then became irrationally annoyed at the memories of reverse snobs - people who would notice and criticise irony in the fact that the image of a love of nature is being created, but paired with a separation from the outside and an emphasis on cleanliness and perfection, as if this is wrong or pretentious. This is an assumption of the thoughts of a fictional group of people, based on memories of real people, that entered my head. I think it is fairly common to invent problems in your head and then get genuinely annoyed by them, but I am interested in how often people do it.

Creating An Archive Of Everything I Have Unnecessarily Hoarded And Why

...Would be an interesting idea, but probably not worth it. It would slow the cleaning out process, plus I am not exactly a hoarder; I just have slight hoarding tendencies.

Maybe I could do that for just a drawer, instead of a whole room?

Although I bet if I Google "hoarding archive" there will be a ridiculous number of relevant results.

Perfect Is The Enemy Of Good

I've been gradually realising this, but hearing it from someone else phrased so perfectly really makes it stick. A huge cause of my  lack of productivity last year was this confused and abstract feeling like something was missing in what I was doing, and that it had to be "figured out" before I could move forwards. It's like chasing a feeling of completion and perfection, except that the chase doesn't particularly involve creation, only endless webs of thinking. So I guess I just need to do stuff.

(I guess I know I've told myself that so many times before - I unfortunately possess this habit of having the same epiphany, over and over again, and never taking my own advice, so in an hour or so, or whenever I next decide to start working, I'll be back to thinking, "Hmm, I could make more work, but first, what is missing...")

Repetitive Things To Make, Catharsis, Making A Point Of Catharsis, Moving Forwards

I have a set of five plastic pots, intended to represent slices of life, or specimens of something like a habit. It's a bit difficult to explain because I don't think they're communicating it that well. They each have labels indicating what they are supposed to represent, but I think I have since phrased it more clearly - "VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF TIME SPENT NOT THINKING." That is what they are, and that was exactly what I intended them to be. I currently have three containers labelled in this way, and two more in progress. I'm not too sure how interesting they'd be to anyone else, or how useful they will be to my mark, but I feel like I've finally managed to make them say exactly what I want them to say, and be exactly what I meant for them to be, so I'm going to finish them. If nothing else, it'll be a good foundation for actually getting somewhere with my work.

Next I'm carrying on with the idea of catalogues. I have a list of branded food items used in a kitchen catalogue, and I am interested in the way that this list seems to be about people, and could at first glance seem to be about real people. However, it is not about real lives; it is about pretend lives, and is almost a prescription for how to live. This actually links back to ideas in my head from the beginning of the year, about relinquishing control, taking orders and putting decisions into someone else's hands. I will be pursuing this idea, probably unsuccessfully at first. I guess I don't mind.

My Territories Of Practice Slides, In Case I Misplace Them

Time:
Time is the ordering of events. Technology has enabled humans to place far more emphasis on this than other animals do, and measure it with precision. We meticulously plan our tasks according to this idea of time, and as we have made it so easy to measure we often almost imagine it as a tangible substance that is running out. We create milestones based around it, we sell it, we get yelled at over it, and it can cause feelings ranging from achievement to loss, all purely because we have the technology to measure it.

Drawing:
The technology we use to draw ranges from sticks, to pencils, to graphics tablets. Each medium affects the perception of the subject, and is chosen based on factors such as convenience, function, aesthetics and the purpose of the drawing. Drawing itself is a technology with purposes including recording, entertainment and decoration. It can provoke emotional reactions, preserve moments or be used in functional ways, such as the planning of buildings.

State Of Work So Far

This is really not the kind of course where you can feel uninspired, drained and apathetic, force yourself to work despite that, and still expect it to be worthwhile. All I have are jars of origami stars, and that is worrying.